Zen and Peace

got the great privilage of meeting his holiness the dalai lama today. won't go into immense detail, seeing as it's WAY past my bed time, so i'll just edit this post tomorrow.

in short: inspirational.

could it be i'm falling in LOVE?

possibly.

axel just happens to be that damn, fucking SEXY.

body wise.

personality wise: he's a dope. but that's just fine, you know.

afterall, dope is no longer whack. dopes are all IN! <3

<3 lyk, OMG, let's-go-SHOPPING <3

ok, so here's what i purchased at the con this year. i guess the fact that i've gone there a couple of times has shortened my urges to splurge...but i'm still spending money at an unhealthy rate.

-sora action figure $25
-soriku picture $10
-axel picture $10
-sora, kairi and riku kitten picture $5
-demyx X roxas picture $1 (it was a STEAL)
-akuroku picture autographed $5
-axel bookmark, cloud bookmark, itachi bookmark, riku bookmark $4 dollars
-altair picture autographed $10
-pink yaoi wristband $1
-blue yaoi wristband $1
-hello kitty sutffed animal $8.50
-kairi action figure $5 (it was yet ANOTHER STEAL)
-"Just a Nobody" black t-shirt with a blue nobody symbol and axel's chakram printed on the sleeve $17

and i'm pretty sure that was it.

the only nurishment that i had was pocky from a girl that i met last year. she gave me three sticks of chocolate almond crush and basically a whole bag of strawberry. that was basically it. for both days. and it SUCKED. majorly. but oh well. i lost weight THE UNHEALTHY WAY. SCREW ME!! =D (i still walked, yo so that was still healthy in a sense)

i was THIS close to buying a kingdom hearts yaoi doujinshi. but there wasn't anything AKUROKU in there, just sora riku. and they had red dots on them MEANING that they were 18+. still, my friend's friend was willing to get it for me, but i just wasn't interested. the guy/gay at the booth was checking me out, seriously. he cheered when i shook my ass by the booth. perve. adorable fat perve. <3

...DO A BARREL ROLL!!!!

OVAR 9000!!!!!

Sakura Con~Saturday and Sunday

kinda sad that i didn't go on friday. but education WANTS me. therefore i have to give in to textbooks and shit and LEARN rather than SPLURGE MY BUTT OFF in the marketplace.

sigh

first off, the arrangement this year was...awkward. the  registration lines were in a room that NO ONE could find rather than being where they were last year in front of the marketplace. i was like WTF?? and another thing...what happened to all the activities? i recall that last year there was LOADS to do and guests that MATTERED. i mean, yes, the japanese bands and such were cool, but it just didn't work with me. other than shopping and blistering the balls of my feet (and watching AMVs as well...) there really wasn't much to do.

and i suppose that the fact that my friend walking around and not wanting to do shit contributed to the "being held back by a leash" feeling.

introvert. what can i do?

being fem-axel was HELLA entertaining. i didn't think that so many people would think that the costume was acceptable because of the fem-ness. but i actually received many good compliments and praise about the costume and being in character. normally, SNJ anything doesn't really fly with cosplayers. but for some reason this axel in a mini-skirt cosplay worked rather nicely.

w00t

i'd estimate that i spent 70 dollars on crap. well, NOT CRAP. stuff. great stuff, as a matter of fact. pictures, mostly. i spent a lot of my time in the marketplace and dealer's room for those two days, and let me say that the artists' alley has improved greatly. last year there wasn't much to do in the artists' alley. this year all the table were in a nice little circle and i could visit the nice dealers. YAOI

i saw ramy there. you know ramy, from deviantart? yes. he was there. and his girlfriend...i believe it was his girlfriend, since they have the same art style and he mentions her a lot on deviantart.

he is win.

and jesus was there. with a flower. so were a lot of other organization members that were prancing around and stalking people. i was stalked quite a bit and glomped and tackled and yelled at and photographed...BECAUSE I WAS WEARING A FREAKIN' SKIRT!!! XDD

i'll update this later HOPEFULLY with picture attached. you had to be there to believe everything that went on. <3

again with the PIANOS

epic. that pretty much sums up the kingdom hearts soundtrack. pretty much...

alrighty, so yoko shimomura recently released her new CD titled Drammatica which includes KH as well as FF music. while i've yet to purchase the CD, the three full songs that i've downloaded obviously prove that it's HELLA EPIC. therefore, it is a must buy. therefore, i will lose LOADS OF CASH. therefore, i will cry, but it will be out of happiness.

PSH.

both can be found at kh-vids.net on their most recent post. if you don't get there quick, the post might DISAPPEAR.

seriously though..."The Other Promise" as well as "The 13th Anthology" make my heart go bump bump. i can LITERALLY feel the pressure, i kid you not.

i can really picture "The 13th Anthology" playing in disneyland in some parade, for some hella awkward reason. but whatever. it's just that epic. because disneyland is EPIC.

I LOVE THE WORD EPIC.

EPICCCCCCCCC.

reason WHY it is so epic, is because of how the song builds up. you know, the middle is the climax and yadda yadda yadda. starts off nice and slow with the original "Organization XIII" theme song from KHII, and later it becomes more upbeat with "The 13th Struggle". i guess that sort of pertains to the story of a nobody, to be AWFULLY CHEESY.

you know, they start off totally mindless (assuming that all nobodies are born into the world as roxas was during the final mix cutscene with xemnas) and slowly begin to realize that they are empty and that they have something to fight for (referring to the upbeat part of the song here).

and from there the song slows, i guess recalling the loss that the order had to undergo, what with losing sora, losing roxas and falling apart due to their traitors.

ANDDDDD...it picks back up, showing how the remaining members continue to fight to be their own person.

ANNNNDDDDDDDDD...it once again slows and transitions into this TOTALLY AWESOME new tune. i can't describe the tune, really. (if not--AT ALL). you'll need to download it to understand.

finally, "Organization XIII" is played slowly at the last few seconds of the song to show that, well...they all "died". i say they just faded. really. WHO IN THE HELL GETS RID OF A CULT THAT WAY?

nomura would be asking--no--BEGGING for death should he choose NOT to bring the organization back.

i love those damn nobodies too damn much.

damn.

EVERYBODY GETS HUMPBACK WHALES...!!

:O

LAWL

I LAWLED.

GUFFAW, GUFFAW, GUFFAW

DANE COOK IS NOT ONLY SEXY, BUT HYSTERICAL. MARRY ME. MARRY ME NAO.

america IS DEAF

david...hernandez...was eliminated.

and america allowed a freakin' BANSHEE back into the competition.

...WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO STARE AT DURING THE SHOW NOW?? NO ONE ELSE IS AS SEXY AS HE IS.

psh. seriously. america needs one huge hearing aid and a huge pair of glasses attached to it. we are officially DEAF AND BLIND, yo. DEAF AND BLIND.

peace out.

god i hate relatives

actually there's only one that i hate. and that would be my aunt. a couple of years ago, for a reason i will not mention, she said that she would slap my face and that she wouldn't give a damn about who said what about it. therefore, she is a bitch.

sorry. she is my aunt through blood, but not through "heart", for lack of better word.

and today the subject was brought up during dinner. suddenly my mother decides to be hella emo and fucking emotional. then she tells me that she thinks what i said was wrong. hell-no.

my dad understands me and told her that i'm entitled to my opinion. yes, i said. yes you bet your ass i am. but she doesn't understand that. according to god and her, that's wrong that i hate her. HATE IS NOT A DAMN FUCKING BAD WORD.

and that's my opinion.

my aunt deserves to be shunned by me. thanks for ruining my night, aunty. really. don't you wish you slapped me when you had the chance? I BET YOU FUCKING DID, RIGHT? 'cause you don't love me either! so i've got no love for ya.

tough. fucking. luck.

MY FUCKING OPINIONS ARE NOT ACCEPTED ANYWHERE.

I MIGHT AS WELL SLAP DUCT TAPE ON MY MOUTH FOR LIFE.

cynical people make me go STAB STAB STAB

title explains itself, i believe.

me and some friends were playing "would you rather" and we have to give our opinions. physcology sucks majorly. which i didn't even spell correctly.

anyway, i hate it. cynical people make me feel stupid.

mister sandman

http://www.animenewsnetwork.com/news/2008-03-10/boy-hospitalized-after-imitating-naruto-in-sandbox

http://www.komotv.com/news/16431271.html?video=YHI&t=a

sometimes i wonder about child's play.

you're in the 5th grade.

the show is made for a 13+ audience.

and yet it plays during the daytime.

kid was obviously not MEANT to watch this.

and thus silly child's play becomes deadly.

what do you wanna be when you grow up?

a sand ninja, ey?

think twice, baby. think twice.

pianos and guitars

both make me weep. insanely. damn them. damn their combination of notes that force me to choke on tears!! WHY?

even as i type this i'm listening to the background music of that soap opera i watched last night. and guess what? IT'S A PIANO. seriously...WTF?

this is playing as the girl is reminising on her days with her husband. it's quite a change from the violent assassin's creed gameply videos i was watching last night before heading off to bed. it's a nice thing to watch/listen to, actually.

and guitars. guh. her husband is playing the guitar just before she dies and to top it all off he sounds amazing. tears are welling up, shit shit shit.

i just may use this song in a nice compilation of akuroku clips along with soft transitions and bright lights and...i'll do it. HOT DAMN I'LL DO IT.

he's gonna come back as a fuckin' FICUS

finals were today, and they were surprisingly VERY easy. english and history finals, actually. two difficult classes. but not the world's MOST difficult. and i have this joyous feeling welling up inside me that telling me that i've passed both. and next trimester, i have math, japanese and chemistry finals. yeah. how uncool is that?

i dunno. i feel bipolar. i think i'm bipolar. or i'm running low on hormones. my cerabelum hurts.

watched "the other boleyn girl" today with mah girls. twas INSANELY epic. i can't remember the last time i watched a movie that incoorperated so much sex and be-heading to the millionth degree. it was the kind of romantic tragedy that made me grip my face and peek through the spaces in my fingers. i guess that makes me a stupid movie whore. and i'm suprised that i understood the characters' language. they always said this prayer to the Lord each time they were about to die.

^ i suppose the shrunken text does nothing to hide a spoiler

erm...yeah. it was epic. and the dude that played jude in "across the universe" was in it. and he's always in the new movie "21" apparently. he's one sexy muffin. him and the eric guy that played henry the 8th. yes i refuse to use roman numerals. freakin' royalty and monarchies...

dane cook. he is also sexy. to the millionth degree (i love that degree to the millionth degree, yo). i just watched many of his videos from his DVD on youtube and he speaks the truth quite often. oh, yeah. him and atheists. loved it. very clever.

-does tree impersonation-

i'm bipolar.

AH

EDIT: ya, ok, so who here watches soap operas? well, me, being the ever sud filled girl that i am, likes to drown myself in them. but i'm not talking about american soap operas, lord no. they suck majorly. i go for the asian soap operas. and i'm talking about one in particular that i'm absolutely IN LOVE WITH.

so there are these two characters that fall in love in part one which occured...oh...about three years ago. three years ahead, the second part came out and the two are engaged. later, the girl finds out that she has cancer of the...stomach i believe. anyway, their story develops and they go through all this struggle and hardship. and through all that destress they speak words to each other that are so sappy that they tug at your heart strings and all your internal organs at the same time.

well, after about a year of watching this show, finally the girl decides that her therapy isn't working and she decides to take her husband to the beach where they first met. he tells her, once they get there, that he wants to leave within a day or two, but she insists and says that she'd rather stay there until she dies, but of course she doesn't tell him that she wants to die there. well, after some time, they sit on the beach as the sun is going down and the waves are crashing and such. she tells him to keep singing even after she dies. he doesn't quite understand so she asks him to play her a song on his guitar, which he does after some moments of sniffling and thinking of the perfect song.

well, certainly the song gripped and clawed at me to begin with...but it was when she started to reminise on her earlier years with him from the moment she met him to the moment she told him that she was dying that really made me fall apart. you could tell in her eyes that she was falling weaker and weaker and i have to say that the director and the editors did a fantastic job creating a bright, heavenly aura around the footage. oh, if only it were up on youtube i'd provide the link...

anyway, for about ten minutes this little video montage of memories played through until she rested her head on his shoulder and eventually died. slowly. and then a video played after he said her name quietly and it showed her running in a white dress through the woods, laughing and healthy while calling out his name like she was playing with him. she peeked around some of the trees and faced the shoreline which was blurred by a bright, white light. she extended her arms to the side like she was accepting the light and after a minute she ran toward it and it took her in.

the episode ended with her husband back on earth--holding her body bridal style while walking toward the waves. he eventually fell to his knees while still holding her and let the waves crash against him.

it was...extremely inspiring. i cried. like i was really crying. and i'm NOT just saying that. do not think me a liar. my eyes are puffy and red and everything as i type this.

just thought that that would explain my bipolor-ness a whole lot more.

mistakes i've not made yet

ever heard of the band a rocket to the moon? they are love.

just thought i'd say that considering that i JUST realized i haven't listened to them in a long while. math test cancelled today. and after i studied for 2 hours+ last night. thanks for fucking that up, teach...

all my <3

your pulling the trigger, pulling the trigger

i guess this post will sort of make me out to be a groupie. i've been searching 'round the internet about panic! at the disco. i've touched on their style, their music, the band members names and so on and so forth. i'd say i'm doing pretty well, actually. better than i can do in a math test...

finals are coming up sooner than i thought, and i'm not that afraid. i've undergone pressure before and this year is not my first year of tackling finals. what i'm really tweaked about is getting my application for exchange to japan in on time as well as buying those P!ATD tickets. i got my parents' approval, but they refused to buy them tonight due to the lame fact that their credit cards are looming around upstairs...it's only 15 steps up and 15 steps back. it's really not that difficult. if they weren't so lazy i'd be hopping up and down because i'd have BOUGHT them already.

such is life.

ugh. i just saw a picture of hillary clinton and she looks like a freakin' smurf. nothing against her, it's just that...yeah. i guess it's not really fair to say that considering the state of the candidates right now. they're all pretty bushed, i'd say. poor souls. and once one of them becomes our next presidente, imagine the stress that will pile back on! i'll stick to living in the norm.

fanfics. oh, how i've missed you so. i had this strange outburst of words last night which resulted in my first NON-AKUROKU fic in a long while. i won't say what the pairing is, though. hopefully i can post it on friday once finals are over or the following night. it's time to write something other than analytical papers and essays regarding the civil war and justice and peace...

translations are epic WIN

indeed they are. indeed they are. dude, i've been scowering the internet for AGES for kingdom hearts novel translations, and POOF, they just pop up tonight.

why am i so stupid when it comes to searching for these things?

i don't much care about KHI novels, to be honest. there's nothing regarding the organization in them. and so i went ahead and read the translations for the KHII novel. however, the person that translated them only translated the scenes in the book that involve members of the organization (which isn't necessarily a bad thing AT ALL) <3.

thus leads to the point: EPIC WIN. doy

ok, so the dude that decided to write the novels totally had yaoi in mind, i kind you not. while the translator did include some additions to it (such as "uhms" and "ahs") the writings seem pretty accurate. it's something that you'd expect from square enix. yeah. they write yaoi due to the growing population of fangirls worldwide. ku-ku-ku

and so go HERE: http://turkish-delight.livejournal.com/277201.html for the translations for the first three scenes that actually matter and scroll to the end to get to the next important scenes. it's amazingly spazztastic. <3

what's even better is that this person is quick to update. i think i'll melt the next time they post. this is the only thing that's satisfying my drug-addiction to kingdom hearts aside from fanfiction. and that is totally lame. damn you square enix for making me huddle in a corner and shiver while i hold myself...

i needs me some 358/2 days NAO

ichi, ni, san

(FYI: that's 1-2-3 in japanese n00bs XD)

the end of the 2nd trimester is coming up FAST. next friday is gonna be the start of the final trimester, and i cannot express the immediate fear that strikes me when i say that. -shudder- seriously, since when was high school THIS frightening? yeah, that's right, i'm still in high school. whodathunk it?

i have two finals coming up next friday as well...and it's on that day that i have to turn in the list of classes that i wish to take next year. i have to earn drama AND FOOKING MUSIC CREDIT TO GRADUATE. i know i have another year to do so, but it's better to do that earlier than later.

i'm hoping to get photography as an elective last year. it's stupid that i didn't get in. :\

and i'm praying that i make the right decision in deciding to be in honors english next year. i've never been in an honors class before, but if i want to do something relating to writing in college, an honors class will look very promising on an application, now won't it?

speaking of english and writing, fanfiction has been going at a steady pace over the course of these past two weeks. i'm amazed in myself, actually. i didn't think that i'd take the time to settle down and type away like i used to...but i go to bed earlier than 3 AM now, which frightens me very much... XO

ah, well. not much i can do about it. i've come to the realization that i'm growing, and learning, and therefore life is bitching harder than ever. but life will continue. i just can't wait to leave the house, to tell you the truth. it's rather exciting when i think about it. i really just want to be able to live on my own and travel to different states as i please; have different job to PAY for said traveling would be nice...

(can you say JAMBA JUICE??)

mm. i'd like a jamba juice...but i think i'm gaining weight again so it technically wouldn't do me much good, now would it?

AMERICAN IDOL. watch it? hella. HELLA.

i said HELLA!!!!

dude, the girls this year suck BALLS. the guys, they're SO MUCH BETTER. i do not kid. david archuleta and david hernandez have my vote, lemme tell ya. the two are sexy stud muffins and their voices just don't compare to the others. i WAS rooting for that aussie dude...but his ego shot through the roof and he became an over confident ASSHOLE.

boy do i love simon and ryan seacrest. the two are secretly besties behind the scenes, i swear. (maybe even more...than that...OH SNAP)

and so i leave to listen to a kingdom hearts podcast that i listen to monthly. although it DOES BUG ME GREATLY that they have "news" on it that is obviously rumor...i hate it when that happens. :\ but i wrote a testimonial to them and i'm praying that it's going to be read. and if it isn't, well, that would suck. i spoke a lot about how much i loved axel and roxas and how kingdom hearts shaped my life for the better.

do i TOTALLY sound like some sort of maniacal person speaking to a guru for mental help? yeah. that's strange.

off i go to procrastinate...

LLAMA is MAH LUVAH <3

PANIC! ...at the disco

:D ah...i'm panicking.

cosplays getting a move on. i've learned quite a bit last week about sewing a such, and while my mockup isn't perfect i think it's good enough. and to think that i was yanking my hair out and pulling off allnighters studying up...in reality it's not that difficult.

over the next few weekends i'll be spending my time on the actual jacket. my pleather is gorgeous, have i mentioned this? it looks very easy to work with. can't imagine why i'd need a teflon foot to sew it. thank you spandexhouse. XO

now, that's not the topic of this blog, surprisingly. i've got something to confess. on the side, i'm a HUGE music geek. oh, yeah. believe that. panic! at the disco is having a concert in june that i'm planning on going to. the tickets haven't sold out and i'm trying to persuade my parents to let me go...i haven't told them SQUAT about it, though...

alright, my dad would totally say yes. by my mother, i dunno. she's that type of person that doesn't say anything until the day before. then she'll get mad and say "why didn't you tell me earlier?" psh...

i've been staring at ticketmaster for the past...what, hour now? i keep thinking that if i wait any longer the tickets will sell out...i'm scared, man. XO

off to listen to my history teacher lecture about Carnegie Hall and shit. <3

...anyone think that axel should be the uke in the relationship? i think so. mmm...

obama yo mama

grr. i'm so pissed right now. at my school, there's an AP history class and today they're going to a campaign being held in town for barack obama. it makes me so mad because OTHER people that AREN'T in AP called their parents who gave them permission to go! and when i called the lady who fills out all the permission slips said no because it's "not a school event". psh! IT'S A FUCKING EVENT OF THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA!!

I HAVE EVERY RIGHT TO CHEER ON OBAMA! WHEN IN THE NATION WILL THERE EVER BE ANOTHER CAMPAIGN THAT I CAN ATTEND?? FOR A CANDIDATE THAT I ACTUALLY WANT TO WIN?? I'VE NEVER FELT THIS AROUSED BY A PRESIDENT RACE EVER!!

...aroused.

anyway, my math teacher was all for it and even talked to the lady, but she still said no. besides, the people were already halfway up to the bus that would take them to the obaminator so...psh. it's over. i'll have to sit here in my empty math class. seriously. NO ONE IS IN HERE BUT ME AND MY TEACHER. and it's creepy. thank god i have a computer or else i'd be totally dead from lack of interesting things to do...

i could be at the campaign, you know.

in short: i'm pissed. i'm missing the chance of a life time. thanks a lot, good for nothing responsible catholic school. XO

!~HARE HARE YUKAI~!

dadada dadada dadada...

hell ya. i've learned the hare hare yukai dance. http://youtube.com/watch?v=Z2HpAE-QcQA

for all you people that are unaware of the haruhi suzumiya dance, learn it. even if you're one of those people that can't dance or refuse to dance, this is me demanding that you learn. i can die happy knowing that i have accomplished it. <3

anyway, that's the highlight of my day. i lost some weight dancing to it for the past...oh...6 hours last night. seriously. i weighed in. i lost weight. i think it's because my dinner was only a piece of fish and spinach too...mm. bein' healthy is awesome. :)

i've gotta slim down just a bit so i can pull off my axel cosplay this year...actually it's femme axel. but i'll post pics of that later. i've still gotta put my jacket together and spike my wig. i'm waiting for my mid-winter break to come by so's i can slave myself to cosplay. mmhmm. that's right. i'm cool.

-dances to hare hare yukai- you know you love it. ;D

so i'm pretty much a n00b...

alright, so this is my first go at doing "diary entries" online. i mean, i journal and stuff on deviantart, but that place isn't very happy right now. my artwork has slowly been dying, i swear to god. XO not only that but my FANFICTION. oh, the WRITING AND MISERY. see, i've been banned from the computer for at LEAST 3 weeks now, but i'm slowly starting to come back to the usual schedule of typing until 3 AM. i know, i know. you guys on FF have probably heard this all before...

so lemme just say that right now i'm in the process of finishing the next chapter to sex is the question. i haven't ditched my readers nor do i hate them. i'm just being a douche. XO

in other news WHAT THE BUCK??? cosplayyyy??? i is a cosplay n00b! psh. i'm learning, though. i've been sacrificing my phone battery to go online in the middle of the night (school  nights mostly) to research how in the heck i'm supposed to do this and do that and pin this and pin that. i've even had to suffer through videos of little old ladies with new york accents and cat wallpaper in the background who teach me how to prepare a pattern...it's quite frightening.

but after about two weeks of non-stop research, i think i should be ready to go. my father ordered my wig from amphigory, the matrix coat pattern and the pleather fabric i need to put this little dealy together. right now, i won't say what i'm cosplaying...oh, boy. don't we all love a good secret? <3

well...if anyone reading this has also bothered to read my little known facts on fanfiction.net then you probably know this: i fear going in HOTTOPIC.

ever since i was little i'd run away. seriously. the place is ALL BLACK and there's people with ten thousand piercings!!

but now i've grown to get over that and walk by it without shuddering.

but i'm still creeped out beyond reason to go in there without a friend. i still haven't been in the store, BUT today i need to buy a pleather skirt for my costume...and hottopic is the only place that holds it. haha...funny how these things work out. what's worse: i don't want my parents going in there WITH me because...well...that's weird. ugh. why does the world have to spin this way?

if i can't find it in me to get over my hottopic-o-phobia, then i'll have to tell my dad to buy it off of ebay. he didn't want to last night because he said to go to hottopic first. BUT HE DOESN'T UNDERSTAND...!!! -whines- the place really does scare me!

uh. what else...? some first post, ey? ah, i'll be back to edit. silly people are looking at my house right now...